Archive for Non-monogamy

#polyproblems

Posted in Polyamory with tags , , , on January 19, 2014 by michella74

An amusing thing happened yesterday.

Panzer and I met The Biker for lunch at a fast food chain. We arrived just a few minutes before The Biker, and were ordering our food when he walked in. He came up to me, gave me a kiss and got in line just one person behind us. I didn’t even think about it. While waiting for our orders, we sat in a booth and talked. It was The Biker’s birthday, but I had arrived with Panzer, so I put Panzer on my left, inside the booth and The Biker across from me. This way, I could hold Panzer’s hand while touching the leg of The Biker with my own leg. I’m not ashamed that I love both of these men and consider them both my husbands, but I realize that for most people, our arrangement is odd, if not evil. So keeping that in mind, I make concessions when I’m out with both of them. I try to choose who I’m “with” in order to keep the stares at a minimum.

Apparently yesterday, I wasn’t as subtle as I thought.

Our order number was called and I walked up to retrieve it just moments before The Biker’s was called. When he reached the counter, the very confused young lady told him that I had just picked up our order. She had seen him kiss me. It was so cute. Part of me just wanted to whisper to her that I was, indeed, with both of them. I thought better of it and just chuckled to myself.

It did make me wonder though how many other people were attempting to figure out the relationship between us. I wasn’t making out with either of them, but I was touching them both and flirting with both of them. (Yes, I still flirt with them. We’re married, not dead.) The three of us were sharing French fries and socializing together. When we left, the guys hugged and Panzer went to my car so I could walk The Biker to his and give him a birthday hug and kiss. After driving off with Panzer, I couldn’t help but looking back to see if the people in the restaurant were staring out the window looking confused. They weren’t…not that I could see anyway.

I love having these sorts of “problems”. Two wonderful men are in love with me, and I’m in love with both of them. How awful. *grin*

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Poly-what?

Posted in Kink, Polyamory with tags , , , on April 23, 2013 by michella74

I’m polyamorous.

What does that mean? Do you want the long version or the short one?

The short version is that my husband, whom I love dearly and will be with until I die, dates other women and I date other people as well. Currently, he has one girlfriend and I have two boyfriends. I can’t speak for my husband (I’ll call him Panzer), but I can say that I am in love with both of my other partners and want them in my life for the forseeable future.

If you’re satisfied with that explanation, feel free to stop reading. If you’d like the longer version, keep going. Maybe I’ll put up a chart one day.

I’ve been with one man since January 2012 – I’ll call him The Biker. We met at our favorite bar, about two hours before he turned 40. When I walked in that night, I saw a clean-cut man talking to a friend of mine. He was wearing a kilt and had beautiful legs. I couldn’t help but making damn sure I bumped into my friend. She introduced us and his smile drew me in immediately. We talked for a minute and then I made my way back to the table where my other friends had settled. I noticed that every time he walked to the restroom he would pause, smile, and say hello. Then at midnight, the sound of a paddle got my attention. I looked up at the stage and realized that he was not only receiving his birthday spankings, he was enjoying them. I remember thinking, “Oh dear god, he’s kinky too.” When I got home that night I told Panzer about him. He laughed a bit and mentioned that this guy sounded like he might be the good kind of trouble. The very next week I was sitting with Panzer waiting for a date. That man never appeared, but The Biker did. When he saw me, he grinned and walked to our table and sat down next to me. It was bold and irresistible. I made introductions and mentioned to Panzer that this was the man who got my attention with his birthday spankings. The Biker smiled and said that he’d hoped it had. We’ve been dating ever since.

The Biker is married, with two teenaged children. He and his wife have a slightly different arrangement than Panzer and I. They consider their marriage “open”, meaning that his wife doesn’t usually meet the women he dates, whereas Panzer and I consider all our partners part of our family. It’s quite common for all of us to sit at a bar drinking and laughing together. Recently, The Biker told me that he’s started referring to himself as Poly. I was a bit shocked by this declaration and had to ask him what had changed. Apparently, for the first time since they opened their marriage, he’s had no interest in being with anyone but his wife and me. He told me that he felt fulfilled by the relationships with the two of us and didn’t think he needed anyone else in his life. I love that he can shock me after over a year together. Until he told me that, I wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about me. I knew that he found me attractive and that he enjoyed “showing me off” at the biker bars, but at that moment I was positive of the love he’d been professing that he felt.

My other relationship began in December 2012. Well, I guess it began two and a half years before that when we met, but our romantic involvement is only 4 months old. When I met The Rigger I crushed on him HARD. (For any of you that don’t know, a rigger is a name that we kinky folks use for someone that knows how to tie rope used for bondage.) We’ve been friends for years and up until late last year, he was monogamous. He had helped me through two pretty heart-wrenching breakups in 2012 and I was having a difficult time not developing strong feelings for him. You see, along with being a skilled rigger, he’s a poet, a photographer, and quite handsome in a rugged way. In other words, he’s everything I look for in a man: brains and brawn. When he confided in me that he and his girlfriend had decided to give poly a chance, I couldn’t help but tell him about the crush I’d had on him for years. He was shocked – genuinely shocked. And to my dismay, his initial reaction was to tell me that he couldn’t date me because I wasn’t crazy. A month later, during one of our daily marathon text conversations, he announced that we were going to go on a date…that night. It was awkward (and wonderful) because we couldn’t figure out how to act around each other. But we muddled through it, and he kissed me when he walked me to my car. Four months later, I know now why he was so surprised; he didn’t think that a sane woman could ever be attracted to him. He’s such a silly boy.

The Rigger isn’t married, but he did start dating another woman about two months into our relationship. The one thing that I wish he’d done differently was to talk to me about his feelings for her prior to asking her out. At the time, I still wasn’t 100% secure in our relationship, so adding another woman to the equation made me nervous. He’s never been poly before and for him, trying to figure out how to make sure that neither of us feels neglected is a challenge. We’re still working through some issues, but I think in our case, our prior friendship is a benefit. We aren’t afraid to call “bullshit” on each other.