Poly-what?

I’m polyamorous.

What does that mean? Do you want the long version or the short one?

The short version is that my husband, whom I love dearly and will be with until I die, dates other women and I date other people as well. Currently, he has one girlfriend and I have two boyfriends. I can’t speak for my husband (I’ll call him Panzer), but I can say that I am in love with both of my other partners and want them in my life for the forseeable future.

If you’re satisfied with that explanation, feel free to stop reading. If you’d like the longer version, keep going. Maybe I’ll put up a chart one day.

I’ve been with one man since January 2012 – I’ll call him The Biker. We met at our favorite bar, about two hours before he turned 40. When I walked in that night, I saw a clean-cut man talking to a friend of mine. He was wearing a kilt and had beautiful legs. I couldn’t help but making damn sure I bumped into my friend. She introduced us and his smile drew me in immediately. We talked for a minute and then I made my way back to the table where my other friends had settled. I noticed that every time he walked to the restroom he would pause, smile, and say hello. Then at midnight, the sound of a paddle got my attention. I looked up at the stage and realized that he was not only receiving his birthday spankings, he was enjoying them. I remember thinking, “Oh dear god, he’s kinky too.” When I got home that night I told Panzer about him. He laughed a bit and mentioned that this guy sounded like he might be the good kind of trouble. The very next week I was sitting with Panzer waiting for a date. That man never appeared, but The Biker did. When he saw me, he grinned and walked to our table and sat down next to me. It was bold and irresistible. I made introductions and mentioned to Panzer that this was the man who got my attention with his birthday spankings. The Biker smiled and said that he’d hoped it had. We’ve been dating ever since.

The Biker is married, with two teenaged children. He and his wife have a slightly different arrangement than Panzer and I. They consider their marriage “open”, meaning that his wife doesn’t usually meet the women he dates, whereas Panzer and I consider all our partners part of our family. It’s quite common for all of us to sit at a bar drinking and laughing together. Recently, The Biker told me that he’s started referring to himself as Poly. I was a bit shocked by this declaration and had to ask him what had changed. Apparently, for the first time since they opened their marriage, he’s had no interest in being with anyone but his wife and me. He told me that he felt fulfilled by the relationships with the two of us and didn’t think he needed anyone else in his life. I love that he can shock me after over a year together. Until he told me that, I wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about me. I knew that he found me attractive and that he enjoyed “showing me off” at the biker bars, but at that moment I was positive of the love he’d been professing that he felt.

My other relationship began in December 2012. Well, I guess it began two and a half years before that when we met, but our romantic involvement is only 4 months old. When I met The Rigger I crushed on him HARD. (For any of you that don’t know, a rigger is a name that we kinky folks use for someone that knows how to tie rope used for bondage.) We’ve been friends for years and up until late last year, he was monogamous. He had helped me through two pretty heart-wrenching breakups in 2012 and I was having a difficult time not developing strong feelings for him. You see, along with being a skilled rigger, he’s a poet, a photographer, and quite handsome in a rugged way. In other words, he’s everything I look for in a man: brains and brawn. When he confided in me that he and his girlfriend had decided to give poly a chance, I couldn’t help but tell him about the crush I’d had on him for years. He was shocked – genuinely shocked. And to my dismay, his initial reaction was to tell me that he couldn’t date me because I wasn’t crazy. A month later, during one of our daily marathon text conversations, he announced that we were going to go on a date…that night. It was awkward (and wonderful) because we couldn’t figure out how to act around each other. But we muddled through it, and he kissed me when he walked me to my car. Four months later, I know now why he was so surprised; he didn’t think that a sane woman could ever be attracted to him. He’s such a silly boy.

The Rigger isn’t married, but he did start dating another woman about two months into our relationship. The one thing that I wish he’d done differently was to talk to me about his feelings for her prior to asking her out. At the time, I still wasn’t 100% secure in our relationship, so adding another woman to the equation made me nervous. He’s never been poly before and for him, trying to figure out how to make sure that neither of us feels neglected is a challenge. We’re still working through some issues, but I think in our case, our prior friendship is a benefit. We aren’t afraid to call “bullshit” on each other.

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One Response to “Poly-what?”

  1. TheBiker Says:

    I’ve never been happier that a pretty lady got stood up.
    As I said that very night: “His loss, my win.” 🙂

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